I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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