You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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