just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
