She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
