I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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