tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like eating out sand paper
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
