the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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