I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize