If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
