Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize