it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
