Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize