Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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