to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
