New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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