I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
