I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
