Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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