8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He did a backflip because drugs
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