real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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