508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
