Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
