We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
