im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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