I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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