thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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