I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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