i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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