Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
