I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Damn victory sex feels great
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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