i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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