I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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