tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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