Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
