I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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