I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize