Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
