Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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