you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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