So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
