Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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