I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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