We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
COCAINE IS GR8
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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