We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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