so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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