Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
