I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can I color on your dick again?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
