Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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