I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
