Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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