STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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