My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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