How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
