Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
