I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
