if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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