It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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