we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
