What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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