and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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