come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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