i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
