I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
